Ross A. Laird

Frequently, in courses and workshops, we have spirited discussions about the nature and sources of happiness. We talk about the research that has consistently shown no link between money and happiness, about the work that has been done to demonstrate the importance of personal autonomy and liberty, about the role of self-awareness and self-sacrifice. In such conversations, I typically offer my happiness acid test: count the number of people for whom you would gladly surrender your own life. In a health emergency, say, or a natural disaster. The larger the number — in other words, the more people for whom you feel profound love — the more likely you are to be happy. Paradoxically, personal happiness is often gained through a willingness to surrender our own self-interest. This week’s Sunday Times Magazine had an interesting summary article about happiness. This caught my eye: “One thing makes a striking difference. When two American psychologists studied hundreds of students and focused on the top 10% “very happy” people, they found they spent the least time alone and the most time socialising. Psychologists know that increasing the number of social contacts a miserable person has is the best way of cheering them up. When Jean-Paul Sartre wrote ‘hell is other people’, the arch-pessimist of existentialist angst was wrong.”

I also liked this bit, which is similar to strategies that I often recommend for conflict resolution in relationships and among groups (some students will recognize my “pigeon-hole” theory here): “In one internet study, two interventions increased happiness and decreased depressive symptoms for at least six months. One exercise involves writing down three things that went well and why, every day for a week. The other is about identifying your signature strengths and using one of them in a new and different way every day for a week. A third technique involves writing a long letter to someone you’re grateful to but have never properly thanked, and visiting them to read it out in person.” The author of the article is not particularly fond of the last strategy above, and mentions its questionable long-term effects. But I am a definite fan of the overdue thank-you, and I am happy that happiness is getting the kind of attention that generates spirited debate. The Times article reconfirms the bottom line on happiness: it’s something we choose, or do not.